The Muthaf***ing Penguins!

This particular dream seemed quite long, but I can only recall bits and pieces of the beginning. However, the last part of this dream I will never forget...

My sister (Marla) and I were in a room at The Kansas City Star, waiting to see someone. I have no idea who we needed to see and what we were meeting about, but anyway... An elderly couple and two penguins were also in the room. These were the weirdest penguins I have EVER seen! Come to think of it, they sort of looked like the penguins on that kids science show, Beakman's World. Marla and I tried to keep our distance from the penguins -- not because we felt threatened by them, it was the fact that they could talk! After a while, Marla left to use the restroom. She returned shortly, walking with the penguins and looking very upset. I asked her what was wrong. She says, "The muthaf***ing penguins followed me in the restroom and tried to get into my stall!! I can't take this anymore. I'm dropping them off with somebody." Then she left the room with them, grabbing them as if they were children in need of discipline.

The Audacity of a Nasty Ho

My family and I were on a road trip to somewhere. A few of my cousins and my boyfriend, Tiger, came with us. We'd been driving for a while and finally stopped at the home of a couple that were friends of Momma. They let us sleep at their home overnight. Although they had no extra beds or bedrooms, they had enough sofas and chairs in the living room for us to sleep on and plenty of blankets and pillows. Tiger and I slept on one of the sofas together. When I woke up the next morning, I saw that Tiger was awake and sitting up next to me. Then I looked over on the left side of the room and saw the woman of the house was sitting in a chair, nearly naked... and staring at Tiger!! She even took off her panties and pulled her legs up in the chair so that he could get a view of her you-know-what! Tiger looked embarrassed and was speechless.

"What the f*** are you doin'?" I asked her.

"You know you want this," she grinned to Tiger, completely ignoring me. "I don't even know why you brought that b**** with you."

My mouth just fell open. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to try to f*** my man right in front of me! And my family! And her husband! I looked at her with complete disgust and said, "You nasty ho! My man don't want your nasty ass! Put your f****** panties back on!"

"Whatever, b****!"

"Ho, you wish your s*** was as good as mine!" I yelled while sticking my butt out at her.

Then I yelled for everybody to wake up, grab their stuff and head to the car before things got out of control. I told Momma what happened and told her that she should check her friend for trying to push up on Tiger. She surprised the hell outta me, saying, "I ain't got nothing to say. I didn't see anything. That's between y'all."

That pissed me off even more! Finally everybody got in the car, I jumped in the driver's seat and took off. Words cannot express how angry I was. Even though Tiger hadn't done anything with the woman, I still had questions for him. How and why did this woman attempt to seduce him? Did he flirt with her and she took him seriously? After a while, we stopped to get some food. I was standing by the car waiting for Tiger to come out. I thought he was taking his time and peeked my head in the car, trying to see what the holdup was, but it was Teddy that was still in the car.

"Teddy, what are you still doing in here? You're not hungry?" I asked. He turned his face to me and I saw that he'd been crying. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"It's Tiffany," he replied. "Stacey called me and said that she's been sick. She has a high fever and can't stop shaking. The doctors don't know if there's anything they can do to help her get better."

Me & Reggie, Interrupted

My favorite eye-candy, Reggie Bush, was having a get-together at his house. It wasn't a big party. Just a small number of people socializing, eating, drinking, watching tv, playing cards and stuff. Somehow, my sisters and I were invited and of course we were having a good time. But I just could not get close to Reggie like I wanted. Well, it was getting late and most of us were too tired to drive home, so Reggie said it was fine with him if we stayed overnight since he had plenty of bedrooms. Later on, he walked into a room that Marla and I were in, checking to see if we were comfortable and everything. Marla said to him, "I didn't bring any sleeping clothes with me."

He responds, "I may have a shirt you can sleep in. Would you like that?"

"Sure!" she exclaimed.

Now I'm jealous as hell because Marla got his attention before I could. Hell, I wanted a shirt of his, too! So what did I do? As if I was in school, I eagerly raised my hand and said, "Ooo, ooo -- I need a shirt too, Reggie!"

Then he left to get our shirts. Marla gave me a grin as I shot her an evil glare.

Crimson Blue Streak

After Kansas' NCAA Championship win, I could barely get to sleep. When I finally got to sleep, I had a dream that Mario Chalmers and Derrick Rose had this dialogue when Chalmers scored that tie breaker. (In case you don't know, it's from the scene in "Blue Streak" -- right before Martin Lawrence subdued Dave Chappelle in the alley. )

Oh, No, She Didn't!

I was driving around with Teddy in the passenger seat and Marla, Kimberly and Tiger in the back seat. Seated in between Teddy and me, was a lady who looked like Penelope Cruz. Not sure how we knew her, but she was with us. I was getting frustrated with driving because there were several car accidents and road construction going on and we kept missing the detours. Everybody in the car kept telling me how to drive and I was getting more and more pissed off. Finally, I pull to the side of the street and start cleaning out my car. There were old cups, napkins and stuff everywhere, so I had this sudden urge to clean. I looked at my dashboard and this Penelope Cruz look-a-like had a cigarette -- or Black & Mild -- burning in an ashtray.

"Um, I don't let nobody smoke in my car. So could you put that out, please?" I said to her with plenty of attitude.

"What you mean you don't let nobody smoke in your car?" She asked, with an attitude that matched mine.

"Just like I said -- nobody smokes in my car! If you don't like it then get the F*** out!" (I sounded just like my mother.)

"Well, maybe I WILL get outta your f***ing car!" Then she grabbed my arm and pinched me.

I said in disbelief, "I know this b**** did not just pinch me."

I tried to grab her and beat her ass, but couldn't get a hold of her. So I told Marla and Kimberly to hold her down for me. We all started beating the hell outta her. She was trying to escape, so I got out of the car and ran over to meet her on the passenger side to continue her ass-whuppin. But I woke up before I got to throw another punch.

Turning Back the Hands of Time

This dream took place in two different centuries...

It was sometime in the 1850s or 1860s. I was Abraham Lincoln's daughter. (To my knowledge, he never had any daughters in real life.) We were in a hotel or apartment building looking for a man who was wanted by the police. I had a nanny who also helped with the search. She looked like a Japanese anime cartoon character and never spoke. We searched for the man at night, checking all the rooms on every floor. My nanny searched by herself. Every time we went down a flight of stairs, she was going up -- passing us each time. Finally, some man told us where he saw the man.

Then, the year was sometime in the mid to late 1990s. I was at home with my mother and a little boy who I guess was my brother. We kept hearing about white and Asian men in the city that were going to every neighborhood, looking for black people to kill. I asked Momma what we should do and she said she didn't believe that they'll do anything to us. We started to go outside. Momma was running for safety with my little brother, but I couldn't keep up with them. They tried hiding behind some bushes as we saw a white man on a horse, headed for our house. Before I got to hide or protect them, he started shooting at them...

Can A Brother Die With Dignity?

I was at my apartment in Waterloo, Iowa when I got a phone call from Momma saying that Teddy was dying from a terminal illness. I rushed home to see him and was outraged when I saw that they had Teddy lying on top of the deep freezer we kept at the end of the hallway. He was dirty and pale, had on raggedy clothes and no shoes and his hair hadn't been groomed for days, maybe weeks. He also looked like he was going to pass out at any minute. He was shivering like crazy, but they only put a small, thin blanket over him! I started yelling at Momma, Marla and Kimberly for not taking good care of him, but they all ignored me.

Hours later, Momma came in the living room crying and said Teddy just died.

"What? What do you mean he's dead?" I asked. "How can he be dead? What kind of illness did he have?"

Momma yelled, "I don't know, Reena, okay?! He's dead! He was sick! I've already called the people to pick up his body."

I ran in the hallway where Teddy was still lying on top of the deep freezer. He wasn't even dead! His eyes were still moving! I yelled at Momma again for treating him so badly, but she felt like she was doing the right thing. There was nothing else I could say. I looked over at Teddy and began to cry. He looked at me, then at Momma and said, "Man, forget it!"

He got off the deep freezer and just walked away...